Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Alternates of a single shade

The existential plane where we roam around like dots without bumping into each other, we seek to find .... we seek to find..... we seek to find. .. what? If I knew this I would have solved the ultimate riddle. I seek and I seek to open myself up. I seek to hold myself together by disintegrating myself in front of a single mortal being, To the kind of people that belong in the world that is gray, finding that one single mortal is most difficult...then judging if that mortal is right is beyond difficult... and even if we pass beyond that, opening ourself with out weaknesses is next to impossible. The paradox is that we exist to find that single mortal in front of which we disintegrate ourself i-e open ourself with our weaknesses, so that one single mortal rebuilds us. But for the gray opening up becomes impossible and the paradox lingers on... till the time when our own weakness becomes so harsh that we are forced to break this paradox and just disintegrate ourself .. and we go ahead and trust our instincts that we have found the right person.... which of course is anti-truth...

Imagine passing through the most difficult time in yourlife, something like tearing every atom of your body with your own hands, or imagine cutting your own flesh with the a blunt knife... how much of will power is required there.. imagine that amount of will power and multiply it with the mass of the sun. . .that is the amount of will power required to lay yourself bare open, to disintegrate yourself in front of someone... for a person who is gray

Problem is that there is no alternate to people of gray... and this is the alternate that they seek... the alternate that I seek in a place where there is just one shade and that is gray. one way to look at things and that is gray.... so how can I expect .. or even wish or dream or think that I will find that one person to disintegrate myself infront of. .. and me being a fool, i still believed that I had found my blue.. and now with all my will power spent I am closing myself back into my world of gray.. the barriers becoming stone again... the covers becoming steel.

In the end there is no alternate to gray it is just a single shade ......

Gray is just Grey ... it is just not a colour.. it is a state of mind which is the most beloved of mine....While the life turns the pages, i turn back to stone.. Gray will be gray and blue doesnt matter anymore!


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